Tag Archives: humor

The OtherShip


Friday Fictioneers 3/22/19

The blonde girl sitting next to me was getting impatient. A few more minutes passed before she spoke in a shaky voice.

“I don’t mean to question you, but something is off here. We’ve been up and down, around and around and in a circle more times than I can count and still I’m looking at the same landscape each time.”

“And that’s not all, I haven’t even mentioned the people who keep getting on and off … while we sit here.”

“The people who don’t look like our people. “

“I’m going to guess this isn’t our ship.”

“AM I RIGHT ? ”

Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here.

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THE BIRDBOX HOROSCOPES


It’s been a long time since I’ve seen what the stars have in store for you. And it’ll probably be better that way. So kids, hoard the food, grab the hatchets, clickers in hand and of course, no peaking. The alignment of your stars works best when you practice safety first – then you can be truly blinded by the horoscope of February, the month of love. Cupid was busy for a few minutes after he suddenly ended his day the way it started.

Since we are sticking with a theme here- we know he stabbed himself over a hundred thousand times thus rendering him useless for a millennial generation.

Up first and ready for the day, our Aquarius didn’t get the memo about the first step in staying alive. Instead, he downloaded the band famous for the quip – sadly you don’t need this month’s horoscope. Or any. Ever again.

Pisces is after you, unlucky asinine bastardized demigod, and we hope that he at least can read the tea leaves and then some . This planet is really in trouble.

Gemini’s you need to come together soon and unite for the better of life and then you can throw a bipolar bar mitzvah right at the end.

Cancer is gradient and turning in -the extended black scary demon infested way that everyone knows are not our friends -way. Yes, I’m going to call it now. You’ll be the death of me.

Virgo was my pick to die off first thing. Happy to say that I was planning the wrong mass burial and it’s highflying for help for you haha…

Libra you seem to be the lucky winner of this prize package: self-inflicted death by anime. That’s all I got. Sorry, I couldn’t make it any clearer but we’re chearing you on!

The saturnine Sagittarius is clearly not to eat anything that is not vegan, soy – free, dairy -free, gluten -free and nitrogen -free.

Leo, I’m going to stop and let you know that the scary monsters are the new kings of the jungle.

Aries is born to fly. But don’t look.

Well, that’s all I know. If I left any signs out, the reason is you don’t exist.

Have a great flight and thanks for flying the toxic skies!


Nine years ago today in history:

Yo Taylor , I’m going to let you finish… ”

-Kanye West
Today in history,

”Yo, Donald, I’m going to let you finish ….”

-Nancy Pelosi

Yo Donald, I'm going to let you fiinish but first...

photo credit :AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Marie Antoinette’s Foibles Ala Versailles:Learning to be A Frenchy


Previously on My Fabulous Teenage Life As Archduchess of Austria, I received the news that I am betrothed to the grandson of Louis XV, whose court at Versailles is said to be the most wicked court in the world.

My future husband and French hottie…

I know that you are already asking…

Am I bored already?

Well, to answer that question, not yet. I’ve been busy and productive. You see , I have been keeping a close diary of sorts. You know, of my sudden shot to celebrity status here in Vienna, Austria and all. I have been informed of my status. And that is – as I prepare for the French Austrian alliance, (of which my marriage to the grandson of King Louis XV is the crowning jewel ) that I am the one who is in charge of securing the Hapsburg dynasty. No big deal, right?

”I’m not sure how to spell out disaster any clearer but hey…did I mention that I’m charming and a hell of a dancer? ”- Marie Antoinette

It is a little stressful for me to be the best way to secure the longevity of one of the most important empires , (actually the only way ) so I do whatever other prepubescent heirs of supreme leaders throughout history do :

I scribble pretend letters to the next king in the Bourbon line of the most scandalous court in the world.

Dearest and soon to be beloved husband, I am happy to be able to practice dancing and music as part of my education to leave for France. I am quite sure that I will represent my country well. I am a natural at both. I am not sure it is etiquette to be boastful but I am also charming and graceful, I have a pleasing disposition and am light on my feet. This is what I have overheard. So I just am repeating lest you think I’m a vain, conceited braggart. I have been using French only at home to improve my use of my new language. I hope I improve as I have been working very hard to make a good impression on my new family. I am so happy to be your most affectionate and faithful, Marie A.

Today, I am a bit saddened by the news that I am not going to share lessons with Caroline anymore. I am to have a separate tutor from now on. I need special attention it seems. Dear mama has been in a constant state of anxious pecking and prodding as well as constantly reminding me of my duty to Austria that comes with my marriage. The importance of this alliance seems to rest solely on my own shoulders. I am a bit frightened by her intensity!

As the time of my departure to France nears, the first step in assuming the role of French Dauphine and future Queen is to renounce my own claim to the Holy Roman Empire. It seems that I go to France as a pauper with nothing of my own, but I don’t let that bother me at the young age of 14.

Marie Therese, the mother of Marie Antoinette, was Empress to the Holy Roman Empire due to the reformation of Salic Law by her father Charles VI, prior to her birth. This Reformation meant that females in their own right could succeed to the throne, ensuring that the monarchy would continue in the event of no male heir. Even though it was highly unlikely, as Marie Antoinette was the youngest daughter of 16 (only 9 of her siblings survived past the age of 18), the future Queen of France could have inherited the Austrian throne. Therefore, Marie Antoinette was required to renounce this claim to the Hapsburg dynasty prior to marriage.

So just like that and just like every other girl who is moving away from home to get married, I sign away my revered and prominent bloodline in the name of the monarchy, get hitched to a pimply and shy stranger the very next day and lose part of my soul. Now, I am French, with no dog, and bored to tears. I miss my mother, my best friend and sister Caroline and I have to speak to people I don’t like. Now you tell me, is this what I signed up for?

I don’t think so.