Blogger Recognition Award

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A famous poet once said, ” I write because there is a voice inside me that can’t be still.”

Me either. I literally can’t be still. I’m really excited about everything and I’m really, really excited when people like my writing. This is one of those times.

When Cordelia’s mom and her bunnies nominated me for the Blogger Recognition Award, I immediately started writing my acceptance speech and practiced in the mirror.

This is what I’m rambling about :

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  • Write a post to show your award.
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
  • Nominate 6-12 bloggers who you believe deserve to be recognized. Comment on their blogs, to let the nominees know they have been nominated.

Maybe I wore a tiara and went a bit overboard with my makeup. img_1827-4

Extra is the new basic, I’m told. Here goes:

”I’m so excited, appreciative and grateful for all the support from my family (especially my mom who isn’t impressed or even pretending to be ) my followers ( I can’t believe I have any ) and my best friends (who don’t really read my posts and really don’t exist because of them) .

pexels-photo-1047442Thank all of you so much.

I’m going to share a few things I’ve learned from this blogging experience that my readers might relate to . I’m serious when I say that.

Who doesn’t have a serial dater mom in skinny jeans , cyberstalking crazy person , and a daughter leaving for college ? That equals a nervous breakdown in my world. I started writing again. Because who wouldn’t ?

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Writing a diary can be your best friend and sometimes your only one. I guess I didn’t realize that until I stopped writing in one  .

I needed a place where I could work on myself and not be done in by myself. I didn’t care if it was popular or not (or so I said), I just wanted to write and connect with other writers . In the process, I found out there is enormous talent online. Your stories are truly inspiring , introspective and motivating .

I want to say to newcomers” write for yourself . ” Fight the urge to shut out your inner voice and be a better listener to you.

There is a phrase that I love so much that I had it engraved on my arm -so I could see it every day.  It comes from one of my favorite books, “The Lake of Dead Languages” by Carol Goodman. It reminds me that writing has always been my first love. I had to find it again.

Spoiler alert: it means the heart leads you back. In Latin .

I feel a little unqualified to give advice but if I could do it over again, I would have done it like this.

1. Ask for help and take advice. There’s a good chance you’re going to need them both. I didn’t know the first thing about blogging and I didn’t ask before I dove in. I didn’t drown but it would have been easy to do.So take advantage of the help that’s out there. That’s what my goal is this year. I would appreciate any advice you have to give as well as constructive criticism.

2. Do word prompts. Often. When I can’t get the words out for a post, I can still do a word prompt. You’ll be surprised at the creative things you come up with and you might find a new niche for your writing. I love all of them and I’m constantly looking for flash fiction, poetry and writing challenges to do. If you know of any, please let me know in the comments section!

Writing is about the experience and the way you experience it.

Thanks again for listening. I’ll do my best to be an honorable, responsible and worthy recipient of this title.

I’m still waiting to be inspired by myself.

Until then, I’ll be home working on my contour and highlighting techniques with perfect eyebrows.

After all, I need to be ready for the big speech one day. I’ll end this post by mentioning these blogs that I have nominated for this award. Keep writing for yourself.”

Blogs I love include but not limited to :

Scruffy Dog Photography

Past the Isle of dogs

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The vile mint

RicardoSexton

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Basic AF tips for Family Reunion Survival

I’m not really an expert on faking it . Ask anyone who knows me , what I feel is usually written all over my face . Today I will test the limits of my superpowers and use my nurse face at the family reunion.

Not sure if this is enough to fool the relatives , I’ve prepared myself for the inevitable ,fear of death inducing questions about myself that I don’t want to answer. Here are a few sample questions and how I’ll handle it .

  1. How have you been ?

Real me thinks since when ? Birth ? Death of my dog when I was 10 ? Last night? Because since last night ,I’m in a horrid mood and would love to be anywhere but here .

Instead I say “Good . How about you ? I love your dress , you look so good ! “

2. “How are your kids ?”

Real Me: “I only have one so I don’t know about the other one you want me to have ,except it’s not happening .”

Instead ,socially graceful me says “Perfect , just like I always knew they’d be .” And I’ll laugh just a little playfully ,in case they think I’m serious.

Next someone will ask where the kids are .

Real Me : I have no idea. I’m not on Facebook so I don’t really have any clue but if you see them online tell them I said hello.

Instead I say “Off saving the universe as usual. So much good to do in this world, don’t waste a minute when you could be helping others . That’s what we’ve always told them .480585371

In case they need to ask something job related and I’m sure they will because what else can you talk about with perfect strangers, I’ll tell them what they want to hear .

“Yesterday , I had a patient who kept pulling their chest tube out and I didn’t know I had mucous all over my scrubs and I went to the grocery store like that !”

480254536And I’ll eat while laughing at this too common problem of mine . Lol ,I think.

Now that I’m feeling confident on those topics of socially awkward situations that are going to happen, I’ll share with you the other ways I have prepared myself to deal with this dreaded day.

These are based on previously learned lessons . I’m all about the experience gained from the past but I’m still destined to repeat it .

Don’t be hung over and don’t have any alcohol on your breath . Repeat to yourself “You are a Baptist today. ” Over and over until you feel like one .

Do take an extra Xanax. Blame it on low blood sugar if you pass out . You will have an excuse for an early exit .

Do not go for the natural look . No matter what , err on the side of overdone . Remember you are in Texas . Big hair and too much blush equals wealth and happiness.

Eat a lot . If you don’t , you are either anorexic, on drugs , afraid of being poisoned or insulting the people who have cooked it .

Don’t forget to bring something . No one cares that you worked 85 hours last week and then built a homeless shelter in the spare time you didn’t have. That’s no excuse.

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Now the party is over and as usual, I’m going to admit that I didn’t prepare myself for everything. I was just arriving when I was suddenly dumbfounded and at a loss in every way . It came from a sweet, innocent face that I love dearly .

After a hug and kiss , my 10-year-old and adorable red-headed freckle faced niece said ” Aunt Amy , did you know that some makeup has whale barf in it ? I hope yours doesn’t. “

I almost panicked and told her some of the sad things they do in the name of beauty but I summoned my nurse face and handled it. Then whispered “No , but it does smell like peaches.” and kissed her cheek.

Panic at the Cardio

Scene: At the hospital. Waiting on calcium cardiac score test .  I down the last of my vodka with just a splash of OJ.  Just kidding.  I always put it in my coffee.
I’m not having the test . I should have specified that from the beginning. It’s my husband that’s having it.
My husband is the only one who has ever had one besides …everyone else who has ever had one. Naturally, we are terrified.
He is not a happy camper. He is grumpy. Oh wait… that’s putting it nicely. He’s not in a good mood. See how charitable I’m being? He is really ,really HORRIBLE.  AND….
Suddenly I can’t read. That’s what he said.
I was illiterate . His words exactly.
It’s not even my fault that google maps took us to the United Way , this was obviously not the hospital .I know I put the correct address in.  I  just put on my best “bless your heart” face and do some imaginary yoga.
The reason for my sugar sweet demeanor was not because that is my normal . I don’t like being fake nice . Because that is ugly . God knows what I’m really thinking and he doesn’t like hypocrites. At least I think he doesn’t.
I’m keeping it calm because he doesn’t need to be stressed out more than he already is. I feel his pain on a cellular level.
Secretly I worry and blame myself for any and all issues regarding his health and sanity.
Because I (might )be this .
Maybe.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=extra&utm_source=search-action
One day of PMS induced ridiculousness might look like this:
“I didn’t get my chia infused mess of a shake this morning because it looked like tiny flies. When I soaked them in my home brew of cashew/ coconut honeydeliciousness, they resembled maggots. Also, I’m bloated… I look like a weather balloon.
I’m starving, like really , really starving because I refused to eat fast food  this morning. 
I will starve before I put some soy/soylent green mix of cardio hating , fat induced preservative , sodium- ridden guilt complex into my body . Just like I’m not ever ( well ,hardly ever)drinking just any bottled water ( alkalinity over acidic always ) and I would NEVER ,EVER ,EVER drink just  any beer. Like it has to be a really perfect gose, berliner weisse, farmhouse ……nauseum
Back to my whining.
Existentially  , I am just supposed to be silent, present and all knowing. Basically just like God.  The three O”s . I remember them like a chant from Christian school . Omnipotent,  omnipotent and omnipresent. I don’t say a word. That was really hard.
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