FORE !


In trying to downplay my basic af status , I’ve picked up a new hobby . I’m learning to play golf .

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I won’t lie about it . The cute golf clothes were at first my motivating factor . Fashion is as good a reason as any to try new things .

I’m what you call “athletically challenged” but I always thought golf looked so easy a caveman could do it . I mean , let’s face it . You hit the ball with a stick into a hole. That’s what I’ve learned by seeing golf on tv .

Not that I’ve spent much time on it, because it’s similar to watching dead grass grow . Seriously, how hard could it be to get a ball into a hole . I’m going to tell you that it is really hard . After a few missed putts , I had to channel my inner Happy Gilmore . Turns out coaxing the golf ball to go home doesn’t.

My husband is a good golfer and he has the utmost patience with me . I’m trying to learn the same patience with myself. Like all beginners , I want to skip the basics and be a pro like right now .

I’ve never played or even held a golf club before 3 weeks ago . My husband started teaching me the basics in our backyard. We used wiffle balls . I was driving off the tee fairly well when he said to try a real ball because “you won’t be able to hit it far .” I hit it over the fence ,across the alley ,and almost took out our 90 year old neighbor.

Before getting a chance to yell “Fore” , my husband yells “Quick , go inside !” We run into the house before she spots us . I knew I was the next big thing at that moment.

Our daughter ,who has the wisdom and superiority of every college student, thinks it’s cute that I’m really into becoming a golf pro . She also has the confidence and cockiness of the seasoned softball pitcher that she is. “Let me try that ” she says and swings the club . The effect is similar to a drunk ballerina who is backhandedly swatting a fly . I suppress a laugh when she says “golf is harder than it looks .”

All jokes aside , I have learned a few new things about myself by discovering golf . Perhaps I have just rediscovered them . Here’s a short list .

  1. I’m not allergic to sports, the great outdoors or the sun.

  2. I haven’t lost the persistent determination I had in the 6th grade when I ran a 5k and came in last place . Like seriously last place. The other runners had already gone home when I crossed the finish line.

  3. I like cute clothes . Wait, I already knew that .

  4. I am harder on myself than anyone else is .

  5. I want to succeed at everything I try . Not that I’ve mastered my eyebrow game but I’m working on it.

And also, Michelle Wie has replaced Lana Del Rey as my main girl crush .

In summary, I’m excited to have found a new interest that I want to excel at . I guess that is what keeps us alive . The world is full of things like that. Sometimes you even discover them by watching dead grass grow .