Drinks with Nana

I’m going to first say that this nana does not pull off her wig when she drinks. I wish she did. I would have that all on YouTube.

But I guess I have the “cool mom” if this is the definition:

She wears skinny jeans, lace vests and just recently bought a bodycon dress. I didn’t even know what they were but it’s horrifying. It’s the kind of thing that I don’t want to see my mom in.

She has to fit you into her busy social life which consists of a convoluted string of online dates that she constantly talks about. If we were in the age of dance cards, they would be full. Her middle-aged crises has hit at the age of 67 with the force of a hurricane.

Don’t expect too much from her majesty. It’s not that she has forgotten her kids but she has other priorities. Like Ed, Jim, Wayne…..

She is not going to make excuses for her behaviors either. Whenever she ignores you, you will have to deal with it. My mom doesn’t care that I feel neglected and she has no shame in her blatantly ridiculous self. It’s like she went from Mother Theresa to Britney Spears. Just a comparison, not a judgment.

In no time flat. She is the epitome of online dating gone wild.I never knew how naive I was until recently. People over fifty still have sex! I was appropriately stunned. Who knew that? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Where have I been while this was happening?

Overnight I learned more than I ever needed to know about my mom. I mean it. I learned way more than I could take in. Her sexual revolution has been hard on me. There are quite a few things that fall into my “too much quite info, Mom ” category.We won’t discuss them. I’m sure that you too would be horrified to know that old people still like to have fun and they are not bashful about it.

The strangest part of my mom slaying the online dating world is the reaction of my brother and I to the ” too much info ” items. Mom really doesn’t get why we are cringing. Really.

The strangest part to me is the epiphany I had one day while changing a light bulb:

My mom is a woman and she is completely normal. She was a red – blooded, eyelash batting flirt before she was our mom.

Not newsworthy to anyone but me . Who else has forgotten that their parents were, are and will always be people first . Mom actually had a life before she had me and she has one now that her kids are grown . It’s just not as G-rated as we had imagined . What I thought dating was at my Mom’s age I don’t know but clearly it’s more twister and less scrabble.

I’m disappointed in myself because I’m not as cool as my mom is. I’m not the open-minded person that I thought I was. I’m a hypocrite who has been silently judging her for living her life. I consider myself a feminist in that I support all women’s choices but I can’t support my mother? Maybe I’m the one who needs to seriously get a grip and loosen up. When did I become old and such a stick in the mud? Where can I get what my mom has?

I’m Angela from” The Office ”. Mom is Samantha ala ”Sex and the City .”

Mom is shocked that her kids are so shocked by the dating side of her. Why can’t I understand when autonomy is my daily battle also?To be seen as a person who is also a wife and mother. Not a wife and mother first that just happens to be a person. I’m a hypocrite because I’m uncomfortable with this part of my mother. I’m uncomfortable with my mother being anything else than what I want her to be.

So I’m making an effort to be more understanding and accepting of my mother. Really. I was pretty nonchalant when she asked me where to get a Brazilian. I told they can be found in South America in a country called Brazil. Mom called me lame.

One of my best friends is an esthetician and does waxing. Not my waxing because that would be weird. I told her about mom needing an appointment. She didn’t miss a beat and asked if she wanted a design. Wtf.

All things considered, mom is at the very least highly entertaining. In small doses. But there are times I just can’t do it. I want to talk about me. Isn’t that her job , after all ? Evidently not .

I called my mom this morning. We actually talked and I told her that I was trying to get comfortable with this new period of her life. I told her everything I just told you.

She said ” I love you. You are the best daughter. The perfect one for me.”

Awwww, I felt like my mother was back . I almost cried off $30 mascara. I felt relieved . Mom was still there and maybe scheduling an exorcism was a little premature.

I guess that remains to be seen.

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