You Had One Job

I’m a little disappointed . Our good friends had a baby. A beautiful baby girl and a perfect small human.

How great is that?It’s absolutely amazing and we are so happy for them.Except I feel like I was let down.All the way down. It’s a wasted opportunity for your last name to be Ray when you don’t use it.

I think when you have certain last names, you have a civic, moral and responsible duty to name your offspring something the world can appreciate.

Example: your last name is Hogg so you naturally name your kids Ima and Ura. It’s a given. What else would you do? Maybe it’s a Texas thing. But this is a legend I grew up on. It’s a great story and it’s true. I just fact checked it myself and there never was an Ura. So disappointing and sad. Ima was not pleased, I’m guessing. When your dad is a Hogg, you know he is the bacon and I guess its easier to have a fat name when your bankroll is too. But it’s also easier to be a Ura. At least it seems like it would .

North West is that kind of great name too that is so ”money made me do it ”and as a bonus , she is never going to get lost. And Chicago. It’s so good that you have to sing ” chicken in the car and the car won’t go, that’s how you spell Chicago “. You figure it out. I got that from my brother. It took me forever to learn the acronym .

Now, it’s not so nice when you are the Harry Beaver but I love the dad that would be this extra . What a jerk. Obviously, he’s one that has no problem with being known as a man who is not even a bit into grooming.Some people just hate their kids. Or just had them to ruin their lives. It’s not a secret, it’s just that you don’t get to pick your name and payback is a great feeling. I don’t know if it’s intentional but I’m not a psychologist.

I love my daughter but she is in “name not found on a keychain club”. And it always is misspelled. The kids in school had a great time singing her name. A little song about boats was her theme song and it had a catchy tune. She hated her name so much.She hated me for a good six months. She didn’t have a choice of being too mad once she learned my middle name. It’s so not cool and no ,I’m not telling. When I told her that is why people have kids, just to make them miserable and for entertainment, I wasn’t lying. She is so lucky that I didn’t name her something worse.

So when you have the name of Ray you have a great chance to make us laugh for a long, long time. I ran this by my husband and he looked like he always does. Indulgent and tolerant of his weirdo wife. My daughter loves it. She is a weirdo too. She is a strange name survivor so she gets it.

I’m sure I left some out but maybe it’s for the best .A part of me worries it’s not that funny so I’m getting drunk first . Excuse me for being a good friend who thinks about the things you don’t .Here are my favorite names if your last name is Ray.

Alpha Ray

Beta Ray

Gamma Ray

Put the first three together and you have a Death Ray or a College sorority:

Manta Ray 



then there’s Billy Ray.

That’s a good start to an array of great names.

See what insomnia is good for? It’s a true test of friendship.Everyone needs to be drunk to appreciate it. Baby name consultations are my backup plan when training unicorns gets old.

I can’t wait to be the first to give her a nickname suitable for her foray into Stevie Ray on the Blu-ray ..


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