Death by Reality TV is Easier Than Writing

Since I started working on my writing instead of just spewing out word vomit, I’ve found it harder to find anything to say. It’s curious that what I have read in the scope of learning to be a better writer has left me speechless in that sense. I’m constantly trying to find the right way to get my point across and as for a niche , I still have no idea what I’m even doing. I’m not going to lie. The more I think I know, the less I do. Proof that I don’t have a idea what I’m doing with this blogging thing and that is my subject today.

I’m sorry but I love watching trash tv.. Reality check for the masses it’s not . But since I have given up on deep thoughts I have a new platform. White trash deserves a facelift on reality shows and I think I’ve found the family to give it one. I’m not sure if I have the purest of motives since I feel like I was too judgemental about Honey BooBoo and the sketti eating tribe that is her very honest and authentic family. I’m just so amazed at the willingness of people to put their lives in the hands of the crash test drama television show that society and producers alike.. It’s so easy to use people when money is involved. I’m surprised that reality stars trust anyone.

Don’t judge. I’m sure you have a guilty pleasure too. I don’t think horrible people and their horrible lives are so horrible if they have money and you don’t either. The Kardashians are more tolerable because they are rich and beautiful . If they lived in the swamp or some podunk hillbilly town then it would be a comedy .

I see a cash cow in front of me and it has Mama June all over it. The Honey Booboo’s need to be red -neck- a -nized . I’m going to make them fabulously famous -er .For one, I think I am not alone in this either – who doesn’t want to see the People of Walmart Beauty Contest and Fashion Show inspired by the time you wore a loose crochet sweater braless and had a nipple sticking out in the 20 items or less line. Or your Aunt Lucinda’s baby got back shorts that she was thrown out of the reunion for wearing.

Live at your neighborhood Walmart with proceeds going to Mama June so she can nail her pageant .I hope she wins .I’m all about June and her transformation from a terrible trainwreck to beauty queen and tough mom who doesn’t have time fo you trolls who don’t know what sketti is . She is a feminist icon for the new age and I support her . It’s proof of the American dream when a joke about a life that isn’t good enough for the viewers that laugh at you and your family and the way you eat spaghetti can also makes you a star.

Yes , I’m chastising myself. It’s so easy to be cruel to tv people. I forget that they have feelings too but it’s okay because I’m announcing myself as Mama June’s personal manager.

I see a clothing store and home decor line in her future . What about a book? I’m not sure if she has a ghost writer but I want to apply for the job . I don’t see an end to the June and Honey BooBoo phenom that is ripe for taking over just like the Kardashian’s. I think we are ready for a real family reality wave and that is what I can get behind like a taco truck. It’s time for a change . Pretty people are just so last year . We need a better way of looking at beauty. Maybe it’s you , maybe it’s Mama- line .

Now I’m impressed with June’s weight loss and I think she looks fabulous BUT the heavy metal bleached- out hair screams “prom queen slasher film” and I think she needs something more fun. It’s fine if you have the same hair and love it. The point I’m trying to make is if you are doing a show like this then give the same attention to it you would to the Kimye’s or Taylor ‘s of the world.. It’s not necessary to make a woman who has real life problems the joke of it on tv . Let the woman have the best . It’s capitalism when you do that .

See how I can make her a bigger star ? Being a household name is easy with a good marketing approach and strategy. I think.

I’m not really a media expert but I think I’m the right person for the job and that’s why I’m proposing that we need to remarket the Honey Booboo monikor because Alanna isn’t the name we fell in love with . Here is my fast track to success plan :

Start a people of Walmart beauty and fashion pageant judged by Lana Del Rey , Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsey , Miranda Lambert and Gwen Stefani.

Then as you think to yourself “I can’t believe I’m wearing makeup and clothes inspired by not Kylie.” the next media storm is released and I’m not going to judge you for attending the book signing as it hits the Denny’s nearest you . All you can eat pancakes and a signed copy of the new book is a great idea, right ? It’s a given for me that she has to have a book deal with Oprah .

Here are a few titles I like :

  1. Word Vomit for the Soul (wisdom for the whole family)
  2. Mama June is coming over ! A fuss free guide to the holidays and the family members you hate. (self help /cookbook)
  3. Mama June ‘s Beauty and the Beast looks of 2017 ( Mama June’s favorite and most hated beauty looks of this year)

And the rollout of Honey Boo -Booze wine and baby care line .

“They’ll be no boohoos when you use these for your booboo’s.”

A dog food and supply line called Boo’s Clues.

I’m going to stop now . I have an idea induced migraine and I bet you do too .

I think I have great marketing pitches for this but I’m not sure television is ready for it.


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