Minor Annoyances, Part One

We all know that one person (or two, three or twenty ) that no matter what you have done, their response to your impressiveness is similar to this:

f (x) = 2x

Yes, I’m talking about that very special cupcake of a person who is basically an expert in absolutely everything from tying shoelaces to quantum physics to string theory .

That special cupcake that I’m wasting your time over is sooo over the top of STFU already that I had to come up with a new name nickname for this wanna -be Sheldon Cooper.

I call him EGB, short for “Exponentially Growing Bore.”


I have developed a face I like to use for these embellishing creatures of perfection. This is it.

See how subtle it is? Everyone is fooled by my feigned attentiveness.

I look just a blank space- like the song.

Eye roll.

While my four stomachs are digesting this huge pile of dung, it is really reaching a level of extra that surpasses even the last time I heard how great the EGB is. In brief, my sweet adoring husband is telling his friends about my blog and before I could receive the accolades I so deserve , the EGB nods solemnly and says “I write prose poetry and have been published several times .”

Now before everyone just assumes it is on the prison walls, it is actually in some poetry collection says the great EGB.

This is new since none of us have ever heard that one before but it shouldn’t have been . The EGB is known for his “anything you can do I can do better” persona.

My jealousy is reaching fever pitch. I am literally selling my soul to get followers and the “imma poet and bet you didn’t know it “is busting out the paper walls with his mad skills. While I am sure that some people just have to steal the limelight, I hope some of his fish tales are true. I like poetry.

In the next installment, we will hear about the perfect family and why yours obviously sucks and will never be as great as the powerful OZ . (I mean the EGB of course.)

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