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“I hate cats. Cats hate me. Everyone knows it. It’s the commonest of all knowledge. “
“That’s not a word- commonist.”
“It is now and stop trying to change the subject when you know what I’m talking about. “
I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, however.
There was no cat in the car.
I decided that since she was already furious that silence was my best recourse. Not that it would help, she was screaming now.
The radio …just turn it up. Louder and louder. Drown the noise out.
The screaming got louder, too.
“Why are you doing that ?”
“You know what… I’m going crazy with all this noise. I hate country music. You know that. “
“Oh, this is a cat-catastrophe.”
“Shut up, you are going to be the death of me. Is that what the plan is ?”
I kept ignoring her, she was crazy and I didn’t want to deal with her right now – her cat hallucinations were something I didn’t want to deal with either.
Something licked my ear. Great, I’m losing it too, I thought. What was that purring noise?
And then you guessed it- it scared the “what the hell is a cat doing in the car !”
Because there most certainly was a cat the car – in my lap to be exact and I slammed on the brakes so fast a flash of fur was the last thing I saw before waking up in the ER.
And that was the day that went down in history as the day that smelled like cat urine and bad decisions.