Friday Fictioneers 2/15/19

| amylasater

“Don’t do it, Macy. You are so going to be sorry! Please !”

“Oh shut up Anna, Anna, Anna. Annoying Anna! Hahaha, you scared? ”

The tall girl was laughing so hard at the little one who was called Anna. The ugly tall one was laughing so hard that I didn’t bother.

“Wait. What? Just like that? You didn’t bother warning her ?”

“I felt so bad about it, but it was like karma or something.”

“Aren’t you a little bit afraid of her,” Anna whimpered.

“You know, now that’s she’s dead ”

I opened my mouth but was interrupted by the door slamming.

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll

The star signs and their advice for the movie Birdbox

| amylasater

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen what the stars have in store for you. And it’ll probably be better that way. So kids, hoard the food, grab the hatchets, clickers in hand and of course, no peaking. The alignment of your stars works best when you practice safety first – then you can be truly blinded by the horoscope of February, the month of love. Cupid was busy for a few minutes after he suddenly ended his day the way it started.

Since we are sticking with a theme here- we know he stabbed himself over a hundred thousand times thus rendering him useless for a millennial generation.

Up first and ready for the day, our Aquarius didn’t get the memo about the first step in staying alive. Instead, he downloaded the band famous for the quip – sadly you don’t need this month’s horoscope. Or any. Ever again.

Pisces is after you, unlucky asinine bastardized demigod, and we hope that he at least can read the tea leaves and then some . This planet is really in trouble.

Gemini’s you need to come together soon and unite for the better of life and then you can throw a bipolar bar mitzvah right at the end.

Cancer is gradient and turning in -the extended black scary demon infested way that everyone knows are not our friends -way. Yes, I’m going to call it now. You’ll be the death of me.

Virgo was my pick to die off first thing. Happy to say that I was planning the wrong mass burial and it’s highflying for help for you haha…

Libra you seem to be the lucky winner of this prize package: self-inflicted death by anime. That’s all I got. Sorry, I couldn’t make it any clearer but we’re cheating you on!

The saturnine Sagittarius is clearly not to eat anything that is not vegan, soy – free, dairy -free, gluten -free and nitrogen -free.

Leo, I’m going to stop and let you know that the scary monsters are the new kings of the jungle.

Aries is born to fly. But don’t look.

Well, that’s all I know. If I left any signs out, the reason is you don’t exist.

Have a great flight and thanks for flying the toxic skies!

Paper Ducks

| amylasater

 Source: FFfAW Challenge – 201st

This week’s photo prompt is provided by H.R.R. Gorman. Thank you H.R.R.!

”Donald, come out. We know you are in here. We can help you but we need you to cooperate with us. We know you are scared but no one will hurt you. You can trust us. We are your friends. We only want to talk. ”

The tall man in charge was getting annoyed and I could sense that he was also afraid. Afraid of not finding Donald. I tried to hide my amusement at his obvious distress. It really wasn’t a funny situation.

The tall man kept looking anxiously for Donald to come out.

I jokingly stated that Donald was probably contemplating his surrender but the white flag was out of the question since he was out of toilet paper.

The tall man whose name was ironically George Smalley wasn’t amused and told me to shut up.

I silently turned the remote on and Donald the duck was suddenly spinning and quacking his way to end the hostage standoff on top of a Roomba.

“That is Donald? ”

”Duck, duck… Goose, ” I cheerfully called over my shoulder.

Story word count: 177

The Cave

| amylasater

“I’m sorry but I’m not climbing that high. I’m staying here. I’m not risking no broken bones or nothing just because you dared me to.”

”Sam. Answer me when I’m talking to you.”

”Hey, I guess I am just wondering why we are following the others when you’re the boss.”

”Sam… Hey, it’s a bit early for that. I’m confused about… Ehh. Sam? you are sure screwy acting like you ain’t right in the head.”

”What’s got hold of you Sam?”

”Sam, where did you go? I can’t see you anymore. Are you there?”

Finally, Sam answered ”I’m headed back down the path to get some help. Stay put and I’ll be back .”

Like I could go nowhere Sam, I’m stuck in here and you know it .”

The redheaded girl yelled one more time “Sam! ” before she went silent at the sound of his footsteps walking away.

The next thing Tobi heard were men talking.

“Imagine being in there with this one! She’d never shut up.”

The deep voices then gave way to laughter, coming from outside of the cave. Tobi angrily said, “it ain’t funny, I’m stuck in the dark and I’m hungry and it’s cold and smelly and I hate you, damn it, Sam “.

”Be quiet and you’ll get yours, I promise. ”

More laughter.

The voice wasn’t familiar to her either but she was sure it wasn’t Sam…She was still screaming for him even while he was shoved inside the cave.

“Sam? ”

The knowing eyes glowed red.

Historical Horoscopes Of Versailles

| amylasater

I am going to try something new and exciting..at least for me. I love history and especially the French Revolution. Who doesn’t love Marie Antoinette? I have to be the first to say that her hairstyles were to die for. So wouldn’t it be fun to guess what the horoscopes for the court and it’s glamorous entourage would say on a certain day? I have an idea what they should say so I hope you enjoy this.

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The setting for today’s horoscopes is France, more specifically Versailles. The year is 1770. Your future king is Louis XVI and your future queen is a charming and frivolous young woman who will later be affectionately called ”the Austrian woman. ” Her Christian name is Marie Antonia Josepha Johanna and her mother is the ruler of the Holy Roman Empire. AKA Marie Therese of the Hapsburg dynasty who is a big deal. So while the future Queen of France is clearly of a bloodline to be feared and revered, she is still a foreigner and the majority of this court resents this.

Now the little archduchess is married to the King of France’s grandson, Louis Auguste. But Austria and France are not really good friends. Actually, they are enemies. How does a marriage between the two come about, you ask? Even though the Empress of Austria has long been an enemy of France, she decides to overlook the fact that she hates the Sun King and his whole country-in the name of furthering Austria’s political power. And she hates England even more .Oh, and the little Archduchess is now called Marie Antoinette ( the French variation of Antonia ) and she is the Dauphine of France.

On this day in the worldly and wicked court of the most extravagant King Louis XV, the gossip is ”will she or won’t she ?” The ”she ” in question is your dainty princess and the question is whether or not she will address the most powerful person in court today -as it not only demanded by protocol but crucial for the Princess’s longevity. I should add that to the childish little Austrian who has a very impressive bloodline,been a student of Gluck, hosted Mozart (and a veritable list of powdered wig wearing bigwigs), this is simply déclassé. The future Queen is not having any of this – she refuses to acknowledge the person who would have been a good friend to have.

“Sois proche de tes amis, et encore plus proche des tes ennemis.”

But I guess she will learn.

Who is this controversial figure ,you ask? We’ll find out in a few minutes. As for the other principal players in this game of royal roulette. Let me introduce the more famous ones.

img_2095First, we have the present and pompous King of France. Louis XV , he is a wily one that has the outward charm of a courtesan. However, the fact is he is a King and expects obedience. The king was born on September 5, 1638, which makes him a Virgo. This morning he read his horoscope and smiled:

“Today the sun shines on you with the whole court watching your every move. Take delight in the fact that you are going to find that your tirelessly affectionate persuasion –with a bite -will bear fruit. Patience is a virtue and it will be rewarded”.

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The next key components are Mesdames Tantes, The three aunts of the king are sweet and helpful to our future little queen…or are they? Sophie, Adelaide, Victoire are not reticent in the affairs of the court – the sisters are far from it. When they see an opportunity and of course they do -when young Antoinette voices her displeasure and disgust at the kings’ mistress, they snatch it. At last a chance for revenge in the form of the little Austrian puppet. Oh, by the way, I hear the spinsters are quite religious- so no guidance from the stars in sight.

The other Princes of the Blood Royal seem like the the polite and doting brother in laws to the innocent Dauphine, who thinks everyone loves her. Do they, though? The Duke D’Orleans seems kind enough to his “little sister” –in person. I guess that he thinks it is in her best interest to indulge her gambling and dancing proclivities. But that is another story.

I am thinking his horoscope was a little like this :

”The only thing standing in the way of the monarchy is a pile of sweetmeats. Be careful of your own greed when reaching for the top one or the whole plate will come crashing down around you.”

The poor Dauphin is next, he too has a penchant for sweetmeats and is painfully shy. Even though his birthday on August 23, 1754, which makes him a Leo -he is not in the least like a lion. Painfully shy and awkward, he prefers watches to people. I think the tick-tock of his beloved timepieces could be a warning of his future- on the chopping block.

img_2096-1Sadly, the future King mistook his horoscope written on a bit of parchment for a bib and wiped his face with it at breakfast. Luckily we bribed a servant to fetch it. I hear it said:

”Do your duty to secure the bloodline and provide an heir to the throne. Also, be firm and decisive when handling your young wife and find a way to reign in her frivolous spirit and love of frittering the country’s finances away. The future of the country depends on such .”

What a happy and glorious day at court it is today. Who is the striking and rather gauche beauty in the the the elaborate dress? She smirks at the whispering crowds. The people have gathered here in hope that they will be a part of the royal drama today. Because this woman is Madame DuBarry, the king’s mistress and the most powerful figure at the court of Versailles.She is no shrinking violet and doesn’t like to be snubbed, especially by a 14-year-old girl. The Dubarry is obviously a Leo, born on August 19, 1743, and she didn’t get to her position by being a doormat.Her forecast for today is:

“Persistence is key in all matters of love, politics, and society. Do not accept rivals who challenge your position. You must be vigilant or a change in your financial status may soon occur. Be aggressive in gaining the respect you deserve.”

I am hoping that the lovely girlish and sadly naive Dauphine hooses wisely. I have to admit that it doesn’t look like it today as she is not stepping forward to greet the DuBarry as she is called. Is this the first time in history that the royal mistress has dictated the rules? Let’s see what happens next. The Dauphine is pulled away by the king’s sisters just as his mistress approaches, whisking her away.

The shocked court will have to wait another time to witness this catty drama but will there be enough cake to eat ? Or did the future queen give it to the peasants?  Stay tuned and find out.

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I hope this was a good read and I would appreciate any and all feedback on it.

*Please note that I am not a historian and I hope you will be tolerant of any errors or omissions. This is a fictional piece and is not intended to be otherwise.

Ad-VANTAGE

| amylasater

The instructions were clear and convincing her to accept the job was easy, except for the last sentence of the contract. Jump. She wondered what that meant. She swallowed her fear when the elevator stopped with a shuddering groan. They were suspended between floors with a gaping hole in the middle. The only way to get out was to… and eyeing the distance between her and her family, she silently finished the last part of the sentence.

Marie Antoinette’s Foibles ala Versailles : The French Alliance

| amylasater

I learned that I am going to be French today. I guess you think congratulations are in order. I suppose . I mean, you probably think I’m the luckiest girl in the world. When you’re an archduchess -of The HOLY ROMAN FREAKING EMPIRE- no less, it’s pretty much a given that you’ll get a decent marriage. Especially when your mama is a bombass Empress who has no idea how to be anything less than fantastic. Throw in a king who is not playing by mama’s rules ( King George III of England )and the youngest daughter(me) who needs a powerful alliance (aka marriage) and voila … you have a new home in the most important, elegant and notoriously extravagant court in all Europe. France.

I’m not really a fan of politics or alliances or anything that has no fun in it but I hear that Mama hates the French. So why did she ship me in her words “straight to the lion’s den ?” To France -a land of the most wicked king in the world?

Well, simply put it it’s that my mama hates the English even more than she hates the French king, a pompous prig whose name is Louis XV who in turn hates old George III as well so there you go -and, it’s the only logical solution. The enemies of your enemies are your friends. I think that’s how it goes. But I’m not really sure what it means other than that I am going to France.

What could possibly go wrong?

Absolutely everything. I’m 13 and 41 minutes old, to be exact and I’m exactly what I’m supposed to be. Young, frivolous and carefree. I love dogs and dancing.

Who am I, you ask?

Oops, you mean I didn’t properly introduce myself? My name is Maria Antonia Josepha but you can call me Marie Antoinette.

Marie Antoinette’s Foibles ala Versailles :Introduction

| amylasater

A little history is in order for my latest dive into one of my favorite things in world. Someone once said to “write what you love ” and what I love is interesting women in history. I’m a little bit of a Marie Antoinette fangirl… so much that I am starting a sort of a modernized journal/court gossip column sorts from her viewpoint and others . Think of the modern Marie like a Katy Perry meets Chelsea Clinton . With the attitude of Cher in Clueless.

Marie Antoinette’s Foibles ala Versailles

| amylasater

Previously on Real Housewives of Versailles, the newly minted Dauphine of France, Marie Antoinette, was making waves by throwing some serious shade at one lady who wasn’t putting up with that nonsense.

Last we heard, our little Austrian was about to make her mama proud by speaking to Madame Dubarry, the king’s mistress and most powerful woman in court. The whole court is betting it’s as dramatic as the events leading up to this unprecedented event. Gossip mongers hint that the French Dauphine had to be strongly encouraged to acknowledge King Louis XIV’s mistress. This is unheard of, making it very clear that Madame DuBarry rules at Versailles. What words will our beloved blunderbuss Marie A. bestow upon the favorite of the king?

 We don’t have to wait long for the “Made to Shop ” future queen of France, to toss the tea at her much older frenemy, the much more experienced and linguistically talented Madame Dubarry.

The court is live streaming from the Hall of Mirrors. Let’s catch up on the drama unfolding as we speak.

@versailles99…The Dauphine said hello or something like that and now everyone’s favorite cake loving Austrian, Maria Josepha Antonia or Marie Antoinette to the Frenchies is soo done by the look on her face. She’s not even trying to hide her distaste. But look at her fab hair! It has to be at least 3 feet high! What a great hairpiece! Is that a real bird in there?

“I think I said something stupid like “wow, look at all the people here today! That woman looked at me like she was disappointed. I guess she was expecting a little more than that. ”

-Marie Antoinette, Dauphine and Future Queen and Daughter of the Holy Roman Empire itself 

@MsMarieAntoinette92…I’m glad I didn’t know that she was really expecting us to be friends now or maybe I would have been like I’m sorry. but you can’t sit with us. Like ever.”

@MsMarieAntoinette92…I can say that, amirite? I’m going to be a Queen, oui?

@mamatherese98 … I see that you are learning about etiquette and how to make friends at court even when you hate them! Look how well it’s worked for me.

@MadameDBarry: That’s right! Recognize the favorite of the king. That little twit can go back to Australia. Or Austria. Or Even better, Antartica.

Two gorgeous woman in bedroom Versailles and Baroque vintage style, ladies laying at beautiful and luxurious interior. Concept of rest and relax in luxury hotel
@secretlivesofversailles89… finally, we learned that the court is indeed crowded but what did I wear? What did she wear? What was on her head? Is that a bird? That silly Austrian is so fashionable! Not.

@MsMarieAntoinette92… you think we could get on with more pressing news like that headpiece I wore reaching 3 foot and housing a live bird inside! I’m sure I will be starting a trend with that!

@versailles99…So now that we know what to expect in the French court regarding the feud of the woman who acts like a Queen but is not feeling the love from the newcomer … a little foreigner who has bad hair and a stupid laugh. I heard that Marie Antoinette has been to the king himself crying over his displeasure and that he was considering breaking the alliance with Austria but needs the money. I’m told that he has never liked to confront problems but chooses to be charming while insisting that his orders will be obeyed.

A far cry from Mother Austria  aka Marie Therese who is known for a more hardcore approach to ruling and doesn’t believe in mincing words. Am I right in the assumption that this one disastrous alliance? The marriage of the two polar opposites can only mean one thing -that the British are laughing instead of crying in their tea right now.

Until next week, auvoir! I’m sure we haven’t heard the last of this dignified catfight …

 

Next week…. I was informed that I cannot go into Paris yet . But I’m not allowed to complain, it’s an honor to be iroduced to the city and given the key by the Parisian Mayor himself. Whatever!

Starstruck

| amylasater

https://rochellewisoff.com/2018/12/12/14-december-2018/

“MARS! Stop laughing! Read this and tell me it’s not Helios! That cheater! I could have anyone with this geography! ” Gaia screamed and pointed to the computer screen.

For Sale By Cosmos :

Nice, bright, little star ideal for a solar system with 9 planets and no black holes. Gassy little gem has a steamy mix of helium,
carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen, and oxygen. Perfect for tiny space rocks without the hassle of a hypergiant. UV ray‘s optional.

Gaia continued ” …Do you know what this means?”

Mars shook his head and sighing replied:” I’m afraid to ask .”

“Another ice age. That’s what. ”

dec14fridayfiction

Copyright: Douglas M. MacIlroy

The Tree

Image | | amylasater

You were just a tree

Until I hired them to hack on thee

Now I am startled by the way your trunk resembles the

Grotesque limbs I saw in a horror movie

I hope it was just

An anomaly

But it was with such joy and happiness and relief to see

The job was complete

Leaving me without that creepy tree

That resembled much too

Closely

The one in the film (which it’s twin

Had to be…)

The monstrous and horrible thing…

in Poltergeist

Marie Antoinette Ruins France

| amylasater

On the next episode of ”Marie Antoinette Ruins France ” find out why Marie Antoinette is at her wits end and really cold in the bathtub, too . Sometimes it takes patience and virtue to be a future Queen.

@MarieAntoine1792 wrote :

This morning, I was really tired and cold in the bathtub- freezing really – and naked – and just as I was thinking that the 180 year old countess is about to hand my shift to me then this princess walked in so we had to start over . I guess I made a noise in disgust and got a severe pinch from some other lady who was in line to hand me something and by then it was really cold and I was really DONE. I’m sorry but when you have a entourage of women trying to dress you accordingly by title and then a higher level of random rank decides to join in , you’re not in a good mood . You know? .You try it. I think I handle it pretty well ..

Marie Antoinette’s Foibles Ala Versailles:Learning to be A Frenchy

| amylasater

Previously on My Fabulous Teenage Life As Archduchess of Austria, I received the news that I am betrothed to the grandson of Louis XV, whose court at Versailles is said to be the most wicked court in the world.

My future husband and French hottie…

I know that you are already asking…

Am I bored already?

Well, to answer that question, not yet. I’ve been busy and productive. You see , I have been keeping a close diary of sorts. You know, of my sudden shot to celebrity status here in Vienna, Austria and all. I have been informed of my status. And that is – as I prepare for the French Austrian alliance, (of which my marriage to the grandson of King Louis XV is the crowning jewel ) that I am the one who is in charge of securing the Hapsburg dynasty. No big deal, right?

”I’m not sure how to spell out disaster any clearer but hey…did I mention that I’m charming and a hell of a dancer? ”- Marie Antoinette

It is a little stressful for me to be the best way to secure the longevity of one of the most important empires , (actually the only way ) so I do whatever other prepubescent heirs of supreme leaders throughout history do :

I scribble pretend letters to the next king in the Bourbon line of the most scandalous court in the world.

Dearest and soon to be beloved husband, I am happy to be able to practice dancing and music as part of my education to leave for France. I am quite sure that I will represent my country well. I am a natural at both. I am not sure it is etiquette to be boastful but I am also charming and graceful, I have a pleasing disposition and am light on my feet. This is what I have overheard. So I just am repeating lest you think I’m a vain, conceited braggart. I have been using French only at home to improve my use of my new language. I hope I improve as I have been working very hard to make a good impression on my new family. I am so happy to be your most affectionate and faithful, Marie A.

Today, I am a bit saddened by the news that I am not going to share lessons with Caroline anymore. I am to have a separate tutor from now on. I need special attention it seems. Dear mama has been in a constant state of anxious pecking and prodding as well as constantly reminding me of my duty to Austria that comes with my marriage. The importance of this alliance seems to rest solely on my own shoulders. I am a bit frightened by her intensity!

As the time of my departure to France nears, the first step in assuming the role of French Dauphine and future Queen is to renounce my own claim to the Holy Roman Empire. It seems that I go to France as a pauper with nothing of my own, but I don’t let that bother me at the young age of 14.

Marie Therese, the mother of Marie Antoinette, was Empress to the Holy Roman Empire due to the reformation of Salic Law by her father Charles VI, prior to her birth. This Reformation meant that females in their own right could succeed to the throne, ensuring that the monarchy would continue in the event of no male heir. Even though it was highly unlikely, as Marie Antoinette was the youngest daughter of 16 (only 9 of her siblings survived past the age of 18), the future Queen of France could have inherited the Austrian throne. Therefore, Marie Antoinette was required to renounce this claim to the Hapsburg dynasty prior to marriage.

So just like that and just like every other girl who is moving away from home to get married, I sign away my revered and prominent bloodline in the name of the monarchy, get hitched to a pimply and shy stranger the very next day and lose part of my soul. Now, I am French, with no dog, and bored to tears. I miss my mother, my best friend and sister Caroline and I have to speak to people I don’t like. Now you tell me, is this what I signed up for?

I don’t think so.